Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Difficult Decision

As you know, I have had a very difficult time emotionally lately. Last week I tried to go back to work 1/2 days, but I was unable to. I cried when I was there and generally couldn't go the next day so I have only been 4 days.

Yesterday I went but started crying after being there 45 minutes. I had a serious talk with my aides and the other teachers in my room, and they all felt I needed to take time off and get well. It really hasn't been fair to the aides who have to cover for me, or the students. There is a great deal of paperwork involved in Special Ed. When I don't go, I worry terribly about who is going to do it or how I'm going to get it done within the Federal timeline.

I went down and talked to the principal and the vice principal. They agreed that I needed time off. The Vice Principal went with me to the special ed director and I talked with her. She agreed that I needed the time off and that it would probably need to be a few months. So, I will try to finish what I need to in the next 3 days working 1/2 days, so someone else can come in and take over. Friday will be my last day for a long time.

I cried many tears over this (the sobbing kind) because I didn't want to fail, or give up, or be a flake, or a quitter. I cried because I am good at my job, but I am not able to be good at it now. I cried not knowing if I will ever be able to go back.

While I am sad to leave, and it was very hard, I feel good about my decision. I need to take care of myself first, so I can take care of my family. I have to do what is best for the students and the people I work with.

So many of you have been so supportive while I have gone through this "emotional Breakdown". At least you know if it ever happens to you, you will have someone to talk to!

I have fought depression in the past, but nothing like this has been. I have been able to pull myself back up and get through it. This last time I simply couldn't do it. I couldn't do even the simplest of things. All I could do was sob, on and on and on. I am so thankful for supportive family, my children and extended family, for the support they have been. Mike is very supportive of my taking th leave of absence and wants me to get well. He has been very kind and has been a great help keeping things done in the house.

I am committed to taking care of myself so I can be healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I love you all, Annette

3 comments:

Aaron, Melinda and Evelyn said...

We love you so much. I'm sure this is really hard for you. I cried for you..and because of homesickness for you, and probably some hormones too, but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I wish I were there to just run down the street and let Evie play with you while I rub your feet and talk with you. I miss that. I hope you get to feeling better very soon. We love you!

Farrell Family online! said...

As hard as it is, I know this will be a good thing for you. Take the time for yourself and your family, especially those still at home. I hope you feel better. I love you.

Nathan and Esther Manwaring said...

Mom, Nathan and I love you and we support you. You are wonderful. This will be a great time for you to take a break and get better.