Saturday, November 10, 2007

Dilema

The time has gone so fast! I have been going in to work 2 days a week to do paperwork. I only have 4 sick days left. I am really struggling to know what to do. I have done so well at home. I am getting things done, exercising, resting, taking care of Noah until he gets his medicaid back. (He used to go to a developmental therapy agency during the day, but he lost his mediaid and can't go until we get it reinstated.)

Part of me feels like I should be working and contributing financially, and part of me feels like it's just too much right now and I don't want to end up back where I was. There are a couple teachers who have been really supportive. I have appreciated their love and caring. The teacher I student taught under comes and walks with me after she gets out of school. I am not sitting around the house feeling depressed. I am functioning well, cooking again, getting things organized, and getting caught up on paperwork and projects I have put off for a long time. (like doing last year's taxes!)

It's hard to let go of what I know is a secure job and trust that the Lord will take care of it. It's also hard to let go of that part of me- the professional part. I know I have talents and abilities that could help others and I hate to not improve my talents. I have thought maybe I should go back to school or get a different job. I just don't know what would be best. I may just take off December and see how I feel. $2,000 a month take home is no small amount to lose. I am VERY thankful we do not owe debt. (Except our house). Well, the house and all the medical bills constantly incur. I know we can do it if we are really tight- kind of like being students again. :-) I might have to learn couponing and all that. Sometimes I think, if I wasn't sick so much with major medical things, Mike could have a new truck, or go racing, or get a snow machine, or whatever he wanted. Instead he has me. I better not think about that because it makes me feel very sad and I don't need to be depressed.

I love reading all the blogs. I haven't figured out how to post a comment. It frustrates me every time I try. I don't remember my password for the g-mail account. Anyway, I do read the blogs and they are wonderful.

Today is Saturday. We will probably be raking leaves in the yard and getting set for winter. It tends to come early here. I have had to scrape the ice or frost off the windows of the car for at least two weeks.

It's probably time to start looking for all the Christmas presents I have bought and hid. Otherwise Christmas will be here and I won't find them until Valentine's day.

I love you all. I miss everyone. Love, Mom

2 comments:

Calista said...

That's a hard decision to make. We were in a similar spot about a year ago when I was working a weekend graveyard job while going to BSU. I was tired all the time, frustrated by how little time I had to get anything done, and Steve was frustrated by the fact that we never had any time together as a family. After about six months, we decided it wasn't worth it and I quit. I was only bringing home a little under $1000, but we were spending so much on convenience foods and losing so much family time that we realized it really wasn't something that we wanted. I saw you posted on Rachel's blog, so you must have remembered your password :) I hope things continue to improve, and that ultimately you feel right about whatever decision you make. Love you.

Farrell Family online! said...

That is a tough decision but in the end I think money doesn't matter as much as the time you have with your family and you being able to feel good. It seems like no matter how much money a person makes, there is still never enough. I hope things work out.