Saturday, November 10, 2007

My decision is made

Today really settled my decision. Caleb called this morning and said he really had a craving for biscuits and gravy. He wondered if I would make some and we could all have breakfast together. I told him if he would sweep and mop my floor I would do biscuits and gravy, so he did. Right after breakfast I was so tired I couldn't stay awake, so I went back to sleep. Caleb woke me at 11:30 because someone was here to talk to me. As soon as they left I went back to sleep and slept until 6:00 this evening. I got up because Jared called. I have made myself stay up, although I cried for an hour over I don't know what. It's 9:00 and I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. Yes Rachel, you are right. Every time you call I am sleeping! I can't help it. When they increase my meds they make me so tired I can't keep my eyes open. After a while I adjust, but then it's time to increase them again. In 4 weeks I think I will be at the full dose. I don't know why I cried today. I think it's been really difficult to make the decision about school. If today had been a school day, I couldn't have gone. I need to stay home and take care of myself and my family.

I don't feel like I can quit yet, although I may end up doing that in the end. I am going to ask for a medical leave of absence for the rest of the year. By then I should know what I am able to do.

Thank you for the uplifting, encouraging comments. They help a lot. I know no one else can tell me what to do, but the support makes a difference. I have to remember that I am still a capable competent person, the Lord just has a change in the plan and I need to adjust.



Calista said...

I liked the pictures of Amanda and the kids. I hope everything is going well for them. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a difficult day, but I'm glad that you have decided to take care of yourself. It's important and I'm happy to hear that you're going to give yourself more time to get better. I hope that things continue to improve (since your last post said that you were doing a bit better than before) and that you can find the necessary support there, too. We may read your blog and offer our support, but it isn't always as helpful as having someone to make dinner and help pick up the house:)

Melinda said...

I'm sorry you had a rough day. I know it can be really frustrating to be on medications, especially when they have such wretched effects. I really hope things get better, even if it is while you are forced to sleep all day. We wish we were closer to you again to help you through it. We love you!