Thursday, January 24, 2008

Quandry about work

I have been in a real quandry about going back to work. I have to let them know in March. They haven't been able to find anyone to take my place. (That makes ME feel better, but I feel bad for THEM)

Pros- we would have annother income which would ease the tight budget
- I would be using my knowledge and talents
- I would be out around others where I could have an influence on them
I would be gaining knowledge by developing new talents and skills
It would be a challenge; and you know how I love a challenge
I could stop feeling guilty about leaving thm in the lurch
My students love me and want me to come back
Some of the parents love me and hope I will teach their children next year
I could spend more time with my children and grandchildren both near and far.

Cons: I would not be home to do all the things I do now to save money
I would not be as involved in Abby's high school activities
I would not have time to develop new talents and skills, I have wanted to learn
It would be very stressful to take care of Noah's meetings and services while going to my own many doctor appointments.

Maybes: Maybe wouldn't be up to the challenge
Maybe I would have to much stress and have another break down
Maybe I could teach at a different school and MAYBE do better
Maybe I wouldn't have time to exercise and be healthy
Maybe I really COULD do it all...............
Maybe I will be all better by the fall and be abe to go back and be ok

I go back and forth about what to do. I pray diligently, but haven't felt anything specific yet. I feel somewhat afraid of going back to work because I don't want to fail again. I also feel there has to be a way I can use my knowledge and skills to help others; I just don't know what it is. My principal wants me to come back. I really like him and feel I have let him down. On the other hand, I have to take care of myself or I can't take care of anyone else. I worry about money and I shouldn't. We pay our tithing and I know the Lord will bless us.

I was recently diagnosed with BiPolar disorder. My doctors have advised me to apply for disability because it effected my ability to work in such a negative way. If I could go when I felt great it wouldn't be a problem, but I have to go when I'm in deep despair and that is a problem. They said I would not have a problem qualifying. I just don't know if that's what I should do.

Any suggesstions about what I should do?

I put a poll in my next blog. (I don't know how to make it go to the side in the same blog, sorry) Please vote and please leave your comments on what you think and why.


Melinda said...

I really think you should take a whole year off. You are doing so well right now. The couple of times I have called, you have sounded happy instead of tired, even if you were post surgery and missing the school. Plus, I think it's great that Abby gets this time with you...go ahead and spoil her with it! Aaron thinks you ought to go back to work, but we couldn't post two opinions in your poll. He likes that your energy does keep you going, even if you have rough days. We love you and support whatever you end up deciding!

Farrell Family said...

This is definitely a hard decision, but it's yours to make. I know you like your job but it has been good to be home. Maybe you could find something somewhere that would allow you to work part time.

Calista said...

I like Sarah's suggestion. If you are missing the school and the things you were doing but are afraid of jumping in feet first, then it would be great to find something that will let you get in a little bit. Then you can see how you're adjusting, you still have some time for the things you want to do. If that's not possible, then I would take Melinda's suggestion and stay out for the whole year. You already said it; you have to take care of you before you can take care of anyone else. I have confidence that you will find the decision that is right for you and your family. We love you!