Friday, September 9, 2011

I have cried all morning and it is really quite silly. Yesterday I helped Abby move into her apartment in Rexburg. She lives in a large house that has been turned into apartments. There are 5 girls in the apartment. We didn't meet all of them but the one we did meet was very nice. I stayed for the 'get connected' activities so I was there until 6:00 last night. Abby was happy with her room and feeling great about the apartment. I felt good about her being there and happy for her with this new chapter in her life. I think she will have many growing experiences.

I on the other hand did ok until this morning. I miss her already. I have dreaded this stage in my life. The stage where I am alone. While Noah is still home, he pretty much stays to himself. He goes to a developmental disability program all day and watches tv when he gets home. He rarely eats with us and doesn't participate in family activities. It is just different.

I know this is a growing time for me. I miss all my kids and the time when we were all together. I am very proud of the people they have become and the way they live their lives. They are all such good people. Still I miss the role I played as a mother with my children at home. This is a new chapter for me in my life. I need to figure out who I am in this new phase. I have always found purpose and a sense of worth in what I do as a mother. That is changed now and I need to find my worth in this empty nest. My life has been redefined and I have to figure out what my purpose is.

Who am I? where am I going? what am I here for? These are all questions I need to answer in an earthly way here. I know the eternal answers, but I don't know the here and now. Hopefully in the days and months to come I will figure it out.

1 comment:

Rachel Holloway said...

EMBRACE the change! This IS YOUR TIME! YOURS! You've done everything you needed to point us all in the right direction, and now it's your time to visit us all and be the best grandma possible, and take sewing classes, start a new hobby, take all the time in the world you want FOR YOU! I love you so much and am grateful for all you have done for me--and for all of us. I'm only a phone call away!